Let’s face it, the 49ers shocked the Detroit Lions, the team the rest of America has been fawning over for weeks.  Most of the NFL reporters wouldn’t know Delanie Walker from Delaney and Bonnie… and yet that fourth down slant play to the 49ers tight end sealed the deal in a thriller.  But all anyone wants to talk about is The Handshake. Hilarious.  Here’s what I saw:  America’s darling got punched in the mouth by a bunch of no-names.  Well, they do have names.  Like Anthony Davis, Chilo Rachal, Aldon Smith and Teddy Ginn.  And Lions coach Jim Schwartz?  I knew you were in trouble when you implied that the 49ers were intimidated by deferring the kickoff.  From what I can gather, you’re a cocky loudmouth coach who even trash talks other players.  Oh, you heard an obscenity?  Get over it.  A hard back slap?  Wow.  After having your ass kicked for four hours, you’re lucky that’s all you got.

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I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.  Well, actually I would.  How about this unlikely scenario for this Sunday… It would be the ultimate challenge for those giddy Detroit fans, who are obviously basking in all this attention.  The Tigers fall to Texas, and miss out on their chance at World Series glory.  Within 15 minutes, the upstart San Francisco 49ers stick a dagger in the heart of America’s new darlings, and shock the Detroit Lions.  Immediately following that, the new owner of the Motor City’s NBA franchise announces he’ll be relocating the team to the West Coast.  After the lockout ends, they’ll be known as the Huntington Beach Pistons.  Eat that.  Well, at least you still have the Red Wings.

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You can’t make this up.  A crook in Delaware handed a bank teller a demand note for cash.  When the clerk couldn’t make out what it said, she slid it back and demanded he re-write it and submit it again.  Instead, he bolted out the door… and was arrested a few blocks away.  I guess he should have invested in a laser printer.  There’s a scene in Woody Allen’s Take The Money and Run, where Woody’s character attempts to rob a bank.  The teller can’t read the demand note and argues over the sentence.. “I’m pointing a gun at you.”  The teller says, “That looks like ‘gub.’  It doesn’t look like ‘gun.’”

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Wait… didn’t Terry Francona and GM Theo Epstein help the Boston Red Sox win two World Series after they hadn’t sniffed a Championship in a hundred years?  Oh well, anyone can have a good decade.  Rick Adelman was there for the Kings’ best years.  Let’s run him out.  Steve Mariucci?  The last guy to take the 49ers to a playoff win.  We’re making some changes.  Bill Neukom?  Ten months after The Parade down Market Street… who does he think he is?  I know, you raise the bar so high… expectations change.  Everybody gets hypercritical.  Fans, sportswriters, the big wigs.  Even Christopher Columbus, after opening the door to the New World… was shackled and sent to prison.  I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

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A shower renovation with a One Day install?  That doesn’t even sound possible.  But Bathfitter will custom fit a gorgeous new shower over your existing one… with all new fixtures and doors… in a day.  It just happened in my home.. and I’m gonna tell all my friends about it.  Here’s the simple process…  an estimator will take precise measurements and assess whatever special plumbing needs you may have.  Choose from hundreds of styles and fixtures that fit your taste.  Then, it’s off to the Bathfitter plant to create your masterpiece.  When they return.. you arrange the install, which takes about a day.  You’ll have a  marvelous new shower, created with the best materials in the business…. and a lifetime warranty.  To arrange a free no-obligation in home estimate, call Bathfitter… 916-231-7255.

Yeah, the three highest payrolls in baseball are done.. finished for the season.  And though Alex Rodriguez took it like a man, to see the highest paid guy in the universe make the final out somehow felt righteous to the Yankee Haters.  And the Red Sox collapse?  Please.  Well, Terry Francona must’ve gotten stupid.  You won’t have him to kick around anymore.  Oh, and the Phillies?  I get the impression they’re still bitter that the San Francisco Giants embarrassed them last year.  The Giants had to have been a fluke, as if they stole their rightful crown.  So this year would be different… Philadelphia put together the best starting staff in baseball.  All that got you is a seat on the sidelines.  How do you like the view?  Now it’s down to the Tigers, Rangers, Brewers and Cardinals.  To be World Champions, just about everything has to go right in October.  For only one of them, everything will.

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Well, almost.  I got the dreaded “Jury Summons,”.  This is my week to be available, so I had to check the court website every day to see if I had to report downtown.  I kept watching my number slide into the next box, until ultimately.. my service wasn’t needed.  Yes.  Joy.  Relief.  Thank You. It’s not that I tried to avoid jury service, but I didn’t exactly volunteer.  The last time I got called, I’d barely had time for a cup of coffee… and I’m in the box for a murder trial.  Yikes.  I’ll tell you, it was a fascinating, learning experience.  I saw first-hand how much work goes into prosecuting and defending someone whose life is on the line.   And it doesn’t all wrap up in 44 minutes, like on TV.  Well, it’s hard not to appreciate the system… and the judges, prosecutors, defenders and police who toil in it.  It’s not lost on me.  Maybe I’ll catch you next time.

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Well, it turns out I didn’t know squat.  Once again, I gladly enrolled at the University of Ken Burns.  After watching his stunning 5 ½ hour Prohibition documentary about a remarkable chapter of America’s history, I realized I’ve been uninformed at best.  At worst, I must be a complete dunce.  The story of alcoholism, morality and values spans more than a hundred years, so the ratification of the Eighteenth Amendment didn’t happen overnight.  Prohibition was supposed to be the answer to so many of our problems.  It wasn’t.  Law-abiding citizens became criminals…. and thugs not only got rich, they became celebrities.  Catch this excellent film if you can.  You’ll see why Prohibition is a lot more than machine guns and Al Capone.  And why we’re still asking relevant questions about the role of government in people’s lives, and who is – and who is not – a real American.

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Lots of people like to go rock climbing.  The great outdoors, fresh air..  the exhilaration.  But after seeing Alex Honnold scale the face of a mountain, calling it climbing seems ridiculous.  Lara Logan featured Alex on 60 Minutes…. and it was fascinating, jaw-dropping and more than a little scary.  Alex, who’s 26, is from Sacramento… and he’s the Leonardo da Vinci of climbers.  What he does is called free-soloing.  He climbs mountain faces and rocks without ropes… no climbing gear, no hooks, harnesses… no nothing.  Of course, one little slip… one loose rock and you’re gone.  I know, it’s insane.  He’s the first person to free-solo climb up the northwest face of Half Dome, 2,000 feet straight up in Yosemite.  He’s climbed rock walls people wouldn’t tackle WITH ropes.  Alex, I’d rather you not do this anymore.  I’d like you to see age 30… but I don’t suppose you’ll take my advice.  Lara Logan.. thanks for the story.

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Oh the 49ers didn’t do much.  They only came from 20 down midway through the third quarter to upset the Philadelphia Eagles on the road… and are now an unlikely 3-1.  Yeah the Eagles, known as The Dream Team, amassed a staggering 500 yards on offense… and Michael Vick is as dangerous as advertised.  So how in the world did this happen?  That’s what Philly coach Andy Reid is wondering.  His tight-lipped post game comments were priceless… he was STEAMING.  Did the Eagles aid in their embarrassment?  Of course… two field goals missed and a couple of big fumbles.  But the 49ers took advantage… and with every first down, every completed pass, every dive into the end zone…. their confidence grows.  And it looks like DeSean Jackson likes to trash talk before the game’s over.  You know what that makes you?  1-3.  Hilarious.

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